Do you know the feeling? Waking up in the morning and telling yourself that what comes around goes around and you start hoping for a better day.. you look at yourself in the mirror then you get the aura that you are the girl that's unlike the rest, the one who wouldn't have given up on him. You spend your day smiling but your night crying.. You look so damn strong but you feel so weak and spineless. Yeah well I'm the girl who constantly picks herself up whenever She falls.
By that time, it's been almost three months since the breakup, and I'm still trying to gulp in the fact that we aren't together anymore and that we will never be. So I had to convince myself that I am not gonna shed bitter tears again for someone who doesn't care. Someone who didn't stand with me and someone who gave up on me. I cried that night.. but after I did, I promised myself I wouldn't cry for the same reason again. That was the beginning of forgetting.
It's hard.. Because convincing your heart of something you don't want to feel is a tough job, but you do it anyways because you don't want to feel pain all over again. Besides, feeling pain once is better than repeating the process over and over again.. That's what I uttered to myself..
It was 8:00 AM and as always, I'm already late to school. Walked to class and the first period had begun.. So as I made my way in, miss Lucida, our class teacher smiled at me with a sign of relief in her voice,"Oh there you are! I was about to mark your name absent!". I smiled at her simperingly and took off to my table and chair. Two periods later, Elsa came and sat next to me.
I just met Elsa earlier this year but I feel like I know her since forever. She's been there for me no matter what and is the best listener I know. She could listen to every stupid irrelevant story I tell without judging me or complaining about it. I loved that about Elsa and her cute little face.
She has a milky chocolate skin tone and dark silky and wavy hair. She wore those nerdy glasses that added a frame to her sparkly eyes, not to mention the huge height difference between us.
I told Elsa about how I'm trying to get over Nathan and the incident that happened with Andrew. I'm just so mixed up. I felt Lost, without being able to know what decision to make or what step I should take. Elsa comforted me and told me that sooner or later I'll get over it and when I get to look back at it one day, I will laugh my ass off because of how much I'm overthinking what I'm going through right now. That actually was my problem. I overthink a toomuch.
On the 3rd period, while staring at the letters and pictures that were illustrated on the board in the active whiteboard room. Boredom suffocated my mind, I looked down at the white sheet of paper infront of me and suddenly I see red droplets slipping down. I got confused, am I bleeding? I touched the edge of my nose and took a look at my fingers. That was a lot of blood to begin with and then I started bleeding non stop. I was terrified! Nose bleed in the mid of winter? But I just ignored the facts and went to put a cold ice cube over my nose until the bleeding had stopped.
Later that afternoon, I decided to go to the gym, maybe those thigh burning squats will steam off all the tension I'm feeling. A couple of hours later I went home and had a warm relaxing bubble bath. It felt good actually. Well today I've decided that I will follow a healthy lifestyle.. Oh well hopefully I will.
After that quick relaxing dip, I opened up my Facebook account that was neglected for a really long time. I started stalking peoples profiles until I stumbled into Nathan's. He was online on the chat menu. After stalking his profile for a while, he started a chat by saying,
"Hey! Me and Wendy got together :D"
I read the message with a heavy heart and replied,"oh that's good news! :P"
I pretended as if I was happy about it and told him not to break her heart and take good care of her as if she meant a lot to me.
Actually, Wendy was a good friend of mine. I told her about Nathan and all about our breakup. She told me herself that he was a waste of my time and that he does not deserve someone Like me!
That was exactly why I got hurt when I found out. Turns out all that act was fake to make me lay off Nathan. This
was the day when I really really hated Nathan. Honestly I hated both of them. A lot of feelings started building up while having that small talk with Nathan.
I'm shocked, angry and hurt. Plus how could he just start the chat out of nowhere like that. Obviously he's trying to make me jealous or something. After a long thought, I'm not actually jealous. Does it mean im finally getting over Nathan?
A part of me really wants to forget but the other part of me is telling me not to. The thing about pain is that it demands to be felt but I've suffered enough and I'm sick of it. He made me feel unworthy, not good enough and ugly. Questions ran through my mind like, am I not attractive enough? Am I not girlfriend material? Why'd he given up on me so fast? I blamed myself for every single thing that happened and I kept on telling myself who would want to date you? And then I started listing out all my imperfections.
But now. I know these feelings are fading. I'm sorry I told myself all those things. I'm trying my best to start new because I'm not going to let myself from moving forward because of someone who meant a lot to me but chose to walk away. Yeah well. Still trying and progressing slowly. Only thing I got to do now is sit back. Relax and time will do the rest of the job.
By that time, it's been almost three months since the breakup, and I'm still trying to gulp in the fact that we aren't together anymore and that we will never be. So I had to convince myself that I am not gonna shed bitter tears again for someone who doesn't care. Someone who didn't stand with me and someone who gave up on me. I cried that night.. but after I did, I promised myself I wouldn't cry for the same reason again. That was the beginning of forgetting.
It's hard.. Because convincing your heart of something you don't want to feel is a tough job, but you do it anyways because you don't want to feel pain all over again. Besides, feeling pain once is better than repeating the process over and over again.. That's what I uttered to myself..
It was 8:00 AM and as always, I'm already late to school. Walked to class and the first period had begun.. So as I made my way in, miss Lucida, our class teacher smiled at me with a sign of relief in her voice,"Oh there you are! I was about to mark your name absent!". I smiled at her simperingly and took off to my table and chair. Two periods later, Elsa came and sat next to me.
I just met Elsa earlier this year but I feel like I know her since forever. She's been there for me no matter what and is the best listener I know. She could listen to every stupid irrelevant story I tell without judging me or complaining about it. I loved that about Elsa and her cute little face.
She has a milky chocolate skin tone and dark silky and wavy hair. She wore those nerdy glasses that added a frame to her sparkly eyes, not to mention the huge height difference between us.
I told Elsa about how I'm trying to get over Nathan and the incident that happened with Andrew. I'm just so mixed up. I felt Lost, without being able to know what decision to make or what step I should take. Elsa comforted me and told me that sooner or later I'll get over it and when I get to look back at it one day, I will laugh my ass off because of how much I'm overthinking what I'm going through right now. That actually was my problem. I overthink a toomuch.
On the 3rd period, while staring at the letters and pictures that were illustrated on the board in the active whiteboard room. Boredom suffocated my mind, I looked down at the white sheet of paper infront of me and suddenly I see red droplets slipping down. I got confused, am I bleeding? I touched the edge of my nose and took a look at my fingers. That was a lot of blood to begin with and then I started bleeding non stop. I was terrified! Nose bleed in the mid of winter? But I just ignored the facts and went to put a cold ice cube over my nose until the bleeding had stopped.
Later that afternoon, I decided to go to the gym, maybe those thigh burning squats will steam off all the tension I'm feeling. A couple of hours later I went home and had a warm relaxing bubble bath. It felt good actually. Well today I've decided that I will follow a healthy lifestyle.. Oh well hopefully I will.
After that quick relaxing dip, I opened up my Facebook account that was neglected for a really long time. I started stalking peoples profiles until I stumbled into Nathan's. He was online on the chat menu. After stalking his profile for a while, he started a chat by saying,
"Hey! Me and Wendy got together :D"
I read the message with a heavy heart and replied,"oh that's good news! :P"
I pretended as if I was happy about it and told him not to break her heart and take good care of her as if she meant a lot to me.
Actually, Wendy was a good friend of mine. I told her about Nathan and all about our breakup. She told me herself that he was a waste of my time and that he does not deserve someone Like me!
That was exactly why I got hurt when I found out. Turns out all that act was fake to make me lay off Nathan. This
was the day when I really really hated Nathan. Honestly I hated both of them. A lot of feelings started building up while having that small talk with Nathan.
I'm shocked, angry and hurt. Plus how could he just start the chat out of nowhere like that. Obviously he's trying to make me jealous or something. After a long thought, I'm not actually jealous. Does it mean im finally getting over Nathan?
A part of me really wants to forget but the other part of me is telling me not to. The thing about pain is that it demands to be felt but I've suffered enough and I'm sick of it. He made me feel unworthy, not good enough and ugly. Questions ran through my mind like, am I not attractive enough? Am I not girlfriend material? Why'd he given up on me so fast? I blamed myself for every single thing that happened and I kept on telling myself who would want to date you? And then I started listing out all my imperfections.
But now. I know these feelings are fading. I'm sorry I told myself all those things. I'm trying my best to start new because I'm not going to let myself from moving forward because of someone who meant a lot to me but chose to walk away. Yeah well. Still trying and progressing slowly. Only thing I got to do now is sit back. Relax and time will do the rest of the job.
Dis berfection:')!
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